Goblin Archive

08-25-10
"It was the sort of thing that hadn't the faintest idea what it truly wanted... but it was certain that it was nothing it had."

08-11-10
"It was the sort of thing that was quite often the cause of mysterious and repugnant effervescences emanating from deep within drains."

07-21-10
"It was the sort of thing that had a strong predilection for acts both opprobrious and malodorous."

07-14-10
"It was the sort of thing that wore an elaborate wig crafted entirely from toejam and lint and, quite unfortunately, nothing more."

07-07-10
"It was the sort of thing that, when needed most, was nowhere to be found."

06-23-10
"It was the sort of thing that carefully harvested hangnails and shreds of chapped lips, weaving them into tiny baskets in which to carry about its you..."

06-16-10
"It was the sort of thing that had a fondness for angry fornication with the nozzles of unattended soap and lotion dispensers."

06-02-10
"It was the sort of thing that forever felt that it had, once again, come so far only just to feel the need to leave."

05-26-10
"It was the sort of thing that endeavored to cement shut the eyes of sleepers with its gluey expectorations."

05-19-10
"It was the sort of thing whose powers would never be enough to arrive just in the nick of time and save the day."

05-12-10
"It was the sort of thing that utilized bold displays of aggression and overconfidence to mask the fact that it had absolutely no idea what it was doi..."

05-05-10
"It was the sort of thing that furtively stalked the night, pilfering mislaid plans and dreams, carrying them off to a place where they would never be ..."

04-28-10
"It was the sort of thing that was irreparably scarred by all the horrible things that people do to one another when the lights are out and they think ..."

04-21-10
"It was the sort of thing that tended to slough off and discard its moist membranous skins as it went, leaving them to dry into suspicious crusty spots..."

04-07-10
"It was the sort of thing that utilized both stealth and subterfuge to infiltrate the digestive tracts of the unwitting whereupon it would begin its da..."

03-31-10
"It was the sort of thing that was flabbergasted at the fact that even its most depraved tricks had become old hat, pressing it to resort to the commis..."

03-24-10
"The ability to shrink its head infinitely made it the sort of thing that was able to maintain ignorance of even its most grievous misconceptions."

03-17-10
"It was the sort of thing that was the source of mysterious knocking sounds in the dark, and of small holes in things, that by all accounts, would be m..."

03-10-10
"It was the sort of thing that flitted about in the dark gently and secretly caressing, with its willowy tendrils, whatever choice bits of flesh it dis..."

03-03-10
"It was the sort of thing that climbed about on sticky fingers and toes depositing its nasty glutinous eggs on the undersides of public tables, and ben..."

02-24-10
"It was the sort of thing that was in it more for the brooding than the bloodsucking. And, of course, for the capes."

02-17-10
"It was the sort of thing that groped along unsteadily in the darkness, ever in search of mislaid and discarded "treasures" to cram into its ever expan..."

02-10-10
"It was the sort of thing that turned down all of their invitations and offers, yet somehow found itself consumed by an unfathomable loneliness."

02-03-10
"It was a meek sort of thing that stood quietly and attentively by, hoping desperately to be recognized for all of its qualities that would forever go ..."

01-27-10
"It was the sort of thing that passed fleetingly, leaving behind only drafts and unfamiliar smells."

01-20-10
"It was the sort of thing that burrowed deeply in fusty hampers and malodorous laundry piles, snuffling out the choicest of well-worn undergarments in ..."

01-13-10
"It was the sort of thing that looked on, transfixed with sadness, wanting so desperately to help, but lacking any ability to do so."

01-06-10
"It was the sort of thing that was responsible for the making of mysterious footsteps in the dark; this was accomplished through the use of large, hair..."

12-16-09
"It was the sort of thing that scuttled about on ceilings and dangled from eaves, voraciously prowling for mortals engaging in acts thought unwitnessed..."

12-09-09
"It was the sort of thing that performed its various hexes, nixes, and jinxes in silence, punctuating them with a flippant little jig before fading int..."

12-02-09
"It was the sort of thing that wanted nothing more than to be wanted by the ones that wouldn't, in all the ways that they never would."

11-25-09
"It was the kind of thing that tiptoed around at night and soothed its ever-itchy hindparts by scraping them brusquely on the still wet toothbrushes of..."

11-18-09
"It was the sort of thing whose only two defining characteristics were "defiant" and "naked.""

11-11-09
"It was the sort of thing that enjoyed watching from behind vents and inside drains; always watching at all the most unflattering of angles."

10-28-09
"It was the sort of thing that had an inescapable propensity for finding itself in situations which proved to be most uncomfortable; oftentimes in many..."

10-21-09
"It was the sort of thing whose derisive faux-sincerity, in some strange way, made it more endearing rather than less so."

10-14-09
"It was the sort of thing that was a poet of spite, crafting the perfect scathing retort to any indignity suffered... thirty minutes later, once all op..."

10-07-09
"It was the sort of thing that drifted aimlessly above the crowd, pining listlessly, but unable to ever belong."

09-30-09
"It was the sort of thing that hunted by night, glutting itself on fluids siphoned from moles, warts, and chancres, where the blood is sweetest."

09-23-09
"It was the sort of thing that was the cause of a myriad of unpleasant tastes found in the mouth upon waking."

09-16-09
"It was a queasy sort of thing that crept along, ever so cautiously, in search of the just the right unattended shoe, hat, or glove in which to disgorg..."

09-09-09
"It was the sort of thing that had taken impropriety in all its forms and honed it to a degree that could only be called "art"."

09-02-09
"It was the sort of thing that was fed up with being walked all over, but not so much that it could be bothered to drag itself up off of the floor."

08-26-09
"It was the sort of thing that had it, at one point in time, and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it never would again."

08-19-09
"It was the sort of thing that expressed its contempt for mortals by indulging in a favoured pastime, involving unattended beverages, an unseen swoopin..."

08-12-09
"It was the sort of thing that was content to sit back and observe; imagining the multitude of ways in which each and every situation could, with the s..."

08-05-09
"Possessing no pants of its own, it was the sort of thing that had to resort to surreptitiously wetting the pants of others."

07-29-09
"It was the sort of thing that was very protective of its malodorous nest constructed of filthy hairs harvested from shower drains."

07-22-09
"It was a crotchety sort of thing whose sole talents were sneering and vividly imagining novel and bizarre forms of perversion of which to accuse passe..."

07-15-09
"It was the sort of thing that was paralyzed with fear by the mere thought of ridding itself of any of the things that burdened it so."

07-08-09
"It was a bawdy sort of thing that prided itself on having an off-colour and inappropriate joke or tale to suit any occasion."

07-01-09
"It was the sort of thing that always seemed to find itself woefully ill-prepared for the arrival of guests."

06-24-09
"It was the sort of thing that was shrouded in an inexplicable malaise of indecipherable origin."

06-17-09
"It was the sort of thing that preferred to resent all of the things that it could easily do something about rather than to actually do anything about ..."

06-10-09
"It was the sort of thing that had a little something to show anybody that could be tricked into looking."

06-03-09
"It was the sort of thing whose lewd mumblings in the ears of those found sleeping most often colored their dreams in ways both impious and improper."

05-27-09
"It was the sort of thing that just stared and stared and stared, making grabbity motions with its filthy hands all the while."

05-20-09
"It was the sort of thing that brought the sorts of gifts that nobody in their right mind would ever wish to receive. "

05-13-09
"It was the sort of thing that spent an inordinately large amount of time wishing that it was some other sort of thing entirely."

05-06-09
"It was the sort of thing that communicated only in double-entendre and lecherous innuendo."

04-29-09
"It was the sort of thing whose near-crippling shyness was more often than not mistaken for supercilious conceit."

04-22-09
"It was a crab-assed sort of thing; living in an unremitting state of grump and irkedness."

04-15-09
"It was the sort of thing that had the uncanny ability of finding the absolute worst way to interpret even the most sincere of compliments."

04-08-09
"It was the sort of thing that spent most of its time gathering shed hairs, dusty lint, old dead bugs, and other assorted detritus and depositing it in..."

04-01-09
"It was the sort of thing whose sole joy in life was to lie in wait, perfectly concealed, and attempt to ruin first dates with one single, well timed, ..."

03-25-09
"Whilst it was the sort of thing that did not know where it truly belonged, it was aware both acutely and constantly of all the places where it simply ..."

03-18-09
"It was the sort of thing that was unable to let matters rest without getting in at least one final, and most often unpleasant, remark."

03-11-09
"It was the sort of thing that liked to play "guess which hand it's in." Those unfortunate enough to lose generally got to find out what it was as well..."

03-04-09
"It was the sort of thing with a memory so lacking that it endlessly wandered the same old places rediscovering the familiar with a true sense of wonde..."

02-25-09
"It was the sort of thing that suffered from a very specific form of "stage-fright" which rendered it entirely incapable of defecating whilst away from..."

02-18-09
"It was the sort of thing that felt gravely remorseful well in advance of every and each of its innumerable grievous transgressions; not that it had an..."

02-11-09
"It was the sort of thing that was unsure that it would ever find the thing that it was utterly certain was missing, though it had no idea what that so..."

02-04-09
"It was a suspicious sort of thing; so distrustful, in fact, that it was wary even of its very own subconscious motives. Which, as it turns out, were o..."

01-28-09
"It was the sort of thing that had so much practice saying "this has never happened before, I swear." that it had almost begun to sound believable."

01-21-09
"It was the sort of thing that wore a smile kept polished by nothing less than the finest of insincerity."

01-14-09
"It was a worrisome sort of thing; over-concerned with horrible occurrences that, despite all the wishing in the world, it could just not seem to make ..."

01-07-09
"It was the sort of thing that didn't want to, but always ended up doing it anyway."

12-31-08
"It was the sort of thing that liked to hold grudges. Where it held them is unknown, but it had the appearance of being somewhere quite uncomfortable."

12-24-08
"It was the sort of thing that didn't like any of it. Not one bit."

12-17-08
"It was the sort of thing that was so afraid of saying the wrong thing that it never said anything at all."

12-10-08
"It was the sort of thing possessed of an insatiable desire to expunge others of every last scrap of moral conviction."

12-03-08
"It was the sort of thing that seemed an unceasing fount of unpleasantries."

11-26-08
"It was the sort of thing that loved things purely based on the fact that others did not."

11-19-08
"It was the sort of thing that always found ways to keep itself busy."

11-12-08
"It was the sort of thing that was entirely indistinguishable from the others. At least at this distance."

11-05-08
"It was the sort of thing that told itself that it wouldn't have attended even if it had been invited."

10-31-08
"It was the sort of thing that could not say for certain."

10-30-08
"It was the sort of thing that had rapacious curiosity and easily offended sensibilities. It often wondered which it regretted more."

10-29-08
"It was the sort of thing that made its livelihood from feeding from the ears of sleepers in a manner much similar to that of hummingbirds."

10-28-08
"It was a salacious sort of thing with a penchant for leering and placing its hindbits on the lips of those unfortunate enough to be caught sleeping op..."

10-27-08
"It was the sort of thing that had absolutely nothing to say."

10-26-08
"It was the sort of thing that, with the right amount of over-thinking, could render itself profoundly uncomfortable in nearly any situation."

10-22-08
"It was the sort of thing whose affectation of helplessness belied its true intents which were, to be sure, of a nature most iniquitous."

10-15-08
"It was the sort of thing that took to the skies at night in a never-ending search for its match. One like itself that would complete it and make it fe..."

10-13-08
"It was the sort of thing that was responsible for the manifestation of mysterious bruises. Though its methods were never divulged."

10-12-08
"It was the sort of thing that, even when completely alone, could not shake the sensation of being under constant scrutiny; its every misstep cataloged..."

10-11-08
"It was the sort of thing that would never have succeeded, even if it had ever bothered to try."

10-10-08
"It was the sort of thing that would spend days on end pleasuring itself in a multitude of ways... if only it were able to reach."

10-09-08
"Whether it was the sort of thing or whether they were the sorts of things was a subject heatedly debated in certain circles for quite some time."

10-08-08
"It was the sort of thing consumed by thoughts that, were they read, would result in it being slapped ceaselessly. It was also the sort of thing that e..."

10-07-08
"It was the sort of thing that was not happy unless it was miserable and had long ago taken up the habit of self-sabotage and stabbing its own back."

10-06-08
"It was the sort of thing that did not suffer from dire flatulence, but rather reveled tirelessly in it."

10-05-08
"It was the sort of thing that wanted nothing more in the world than to be able to reach all the places that itched ever so terribly."

10-04-08
"It was the sort of thing that subsisted entirely on a diet of moral depravity and house flies."

10-03-08
"It was the sort of thing that held the firm opinion that too much of a bad thing... was a really, really good thing."

10-02-08
"It was the sort of thing that experienced joy in the extreme from defecating in the hats of sleepers."

10-01-08
"It wasn't evil so much as just being the sort of thing that had an over developed sense of schadenfreude."